Discoragement

The week started ok every once in a while I was down but it turned around and I felt ok. But today it's night, there's no time for a turn-around before I goto bed, except maybe telling about today. It started alright, school I accidently kept someone's cards so their probably gonna be mad tomorrow. Then I get home, couple of chores, 45 min bike ride for a make-up in P.E. , nothing too bad. Then around 9:00 or so I was on a game (FlyFF I have a link to the website). In it I have three friends in a guild. One of them invited me, but I needed approval from the guild leader, so I thought ok should be no problem. I go ask her and she said to wait till I was level 35. I was a little stuck by that but I thought hey it's just a game so I have a timelimit to get to level 35 ok. But after that it all went down hill. I got in a debate with my brother and sister-in-law. I lost BADLY! The debate was about how games are good for you. I was the one supporting it. ;_; I was thinking about how it was helpful NOW and not later (after death). I said depending on what game it is it can be good for strategic mind build, however deteriorates muscle except the ones used for the controler. They brought up that our bodies are the temples of God (christian). I got frustated after that because I couldn't tell them how if you bring that part of life (after life) into it Budists can do the same thing (however I didn't give an example). I wanted to say they could say it keeps them from spinning the prayer wheels (there by being bad for them more than it is good). HOWEVER I didn't do that because everytime I tried to say that I was cut off and forgot it. Then when I remembered I was cut off AGAIN!!! I got so frustrated because they were taking what I was saying out of the meaning, twisting my words so they backfired, although I did that also but I confessed that I did and said I shouldn't because it causes more twisting of words and frustration for all of us. So after I lost this I felt greatly discoraged to speak out or even type about it. Then it hit me! I've been put down in virtualy all aspects of my life, and the only one I've been least put down in and have actualy in a sence won was in math. Math there is only one right answer until you apply it to life, then it gets complicated. I said that if we were half our size we would have more strength in perportion to our body weight. My brother on the other hand didn't agree. he said that if we were double our size we would have 4 times our original strength. But I prooved that we lost percentage compared to our body weight (if were double our size we would be 9 times our original weight). He refused to lose so he said it's not possible for someone to live while being the size of an ant or spider (I can't argue with that), however I still said we would be stronger half our size. He got mad and said it's pointless because it can't happen. So I felt like I won but lost because he refused to lose. So I've been discouraged my whole life about speaking out and it's gotten to the point I'm still fearful to write this, and it's just getting worse with the more I write. But I feel some reasurence that it'll be read by people, but still fearful of the comment that my brother will leave if he reads it. So I'm gonna stop before I'm too afraid to push the post button.